he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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