I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
