I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
