You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
