I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
