im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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