Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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