Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
