apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
