K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My balls are so social today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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