Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
