I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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