I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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