he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ketchup is God's man juice
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sext me about skeletons
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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