Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
