she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
