i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
