I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize