She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
