Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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