stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
