there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
