Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
