I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
