and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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