you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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