Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
