You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
