I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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