Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
