I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Found the puke drawer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
