Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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