if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my liver is dry heaving
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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