Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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