He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
