How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
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he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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