none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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