these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
