i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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