return my video game
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
