I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ttyl tear gas
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
