So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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