whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
