Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.

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(773): Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize. http://tfl.nu/bs3u

Replies (6) Good night (3556) Bad night (668)
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(678): View more from Georgia

My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

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(678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9

Replies (72) Good night (1875) Bad night (7916)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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(513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm

Replies (96) Good night (13309) Bad night (2258)
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(760): View more from California

running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

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(760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy

Replies (6) Good night (2075) Bad night (1214)
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(310): View more from California

I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?

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(310): I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me? http://tfl.nu/lgs0

Replies (5) Good night (2427) Bad night (627)
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(713): View more from Texas

do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?

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(713): do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister? http://tfl.nu/m4fg

Replies (5) Good night (2076) Bad night (440)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom

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(605): the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom http://tfl.nu/jd2y

Replies (6) Good night (611) Bad night (2084)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

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(502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq

Replies (48) Good night (5058) Bad night (1185)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.

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(405): Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast. http://tfl.nu/xva7

Replies (5) Good night (2355) Bad night (484)
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(913): View more from Kansas

He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.

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(913): He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka. http://tfl.nu/wfce

Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (435)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume

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(248): I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume http://tfl.nu/d1bc

Replies (4) Good night (815) Bad night (907)
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(+61): View more from Australia

It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.

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(+61): It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls. http://tfl.nu/jcbb

Replies (1) Good night (1070) Bad night (436)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night

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(508): she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night http://tfl.nu/wuxa

Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (520)
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(816): View more from Missouri

First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

(540): View more from Virginia

Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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(816): First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman. (540): Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together http://tfl.nu/87tf

Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (334)
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(317): View more from Indiana

That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.

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(317): That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal. http://tfl.nu/kp6j

Replies (0) Good night (594) Bad night (257)

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