Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.