If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.