Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers