I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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