I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.