I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.