I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...