It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
