I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize