just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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