That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
