girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
