I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Buhtt sex?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
