She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
