her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
