the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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