You work out of a Hotel?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
