I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
