You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
