I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching