its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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