Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules