You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.