What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
