I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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