I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wear drunk well.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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