i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
