birth control should be required to get into college
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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