On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
