My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
this hospital has no fireball
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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