i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
