I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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