I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she peed on how many people?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
