my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dignity is for republicans.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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