SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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