You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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