Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
